My full given name is Zachary Taylor Wright. My first name is a name my mother liked, my middle name is the middle name of my grandfather, and, like most Westerners, my last name is my father's side of the family name. The name I most often go by is Zack. I chose it for myself in kindergarten because I thought that Zachary was far too long to spell. I picked the spelling because I thought I was the most unique way that I was presented with. Zach was too normal. Zac was too short. Zack was the just right amount of weird.
Until the age of around 15, I was not aware that my name was actually common. I became frustrated. I felt as if my uniqueness had be stolen. I tried my damnedest to have people call everything from Taylor to Caspar. None of the names stuck to my dismay. Now being a bit older, I like my name much more. If it is common, it must be a name worth giving to one's own child.
The only next time my name may be subject to change is when I become married. Since there really is not much of a precedent, I am not really sure what to do. I sure will not take my husband's name, nor do I want him taking mine. Hyphenated names have always annoyed me. The poor flow of double names with a never-ending spelling. I would even be up to changing my middle name to his last name, vice versa. I think the best option, though, is just for both of us to keep our names as is, like the Chinese. As far as the children's names, that is far from being decided.
I love almost a double life every single day. My emotions at school are more forced to be pleasant and happy, while at home I am more stressed and I show it. School is a time when I have to put on a mask in order that I can get through the day. I must be polite and be joyful towards others so I can get along well. At home, I feel this freeing experience of having no one to fake being happy for. The bonus of faking happy is that at the time one does become happy. Without this double life, I worry I would not even have a reason to be happy. I still have a life at home when I wind down and relax. I need them both. Even if I am having a horrible day, I must present myself as if I am not. By doing this, my day is improved because it isn't getting me down. I fake it until I make it. The making part is still pending, but will come in its time.
